i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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