Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
foreskin is a definite game changer
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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