this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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