Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
my poor anus
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
