After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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