If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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