how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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