I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
