he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
