I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize