its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
