Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
