i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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