so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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