Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
