OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm determined to sit on that face.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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