ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Randomize
