K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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