I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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