just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
