Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize