She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
