No awkward lesbian experiences without me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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