don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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