Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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