I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize