before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize