I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
