I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
