Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
