I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's not a walk of shame if you run
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
