Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize