can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
