let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize