she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize