It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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