Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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