Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I deserve this hangover.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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