i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
