sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
