I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
