you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
