bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
