so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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