I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my vag is so smooth its legendary
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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