I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize