I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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