her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Holy shit dude........stairs
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
