My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
