hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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