I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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