shes about as inviting as chlamydia
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
