Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
