Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And then my night got REAL pukey
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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