can we get nightvision for the apartment?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
