im having a threesome with these popsicles
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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