the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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