I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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