I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
