Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
