Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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