We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
