remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
No subtext here. People are naked.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
