my soul wont recognize me after tonight
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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