if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
