My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
