I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
