thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
