Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
