I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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