Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
