but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
