I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
