my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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