soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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