she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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