Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so that wasnt chicken after all
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
