I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
