I want you more than these girls want KFC
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
