also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
