Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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