i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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