We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize