This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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