Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
